The Darkness of Faith

Catholics out of communion with Rome have few options for their church affiliation. Some "off brand" types do exist but they are not easily found and some tend toward fringe ideology. The Orthodox faith is generally appealing, but also exotic. There is often an ethnic flavor to their self understanding and cultural barriers some of us find difficult to transcend. In additon, in most places, there are few congregations to visit. For English speakers, the Anglican tradition, more specifically in this country, the Episcopal Church, has provided a haven for those who are looking for a home. That is still true, but only for a new, 'progressive' catholicism which often negates much of the historic faith. So it can be lonely and wearisome at times. This day to day battle raises the question, "where is the joy?"

When one is a baptised believer, seeking to know, love and serve the Lord in obedient discipleship, the way is clear. Love Jesus. Trust Jesus. Follow Jesus. But the clarity soon disappears amidst a thousand competing voices, each one trumpeting that it is the authentic voice of Christianity. Broad statements are made, like "only the Bible,"  which one finds little reason with which to quibble. "Why yes, undoubtedly, only the Bible, the sole source of revelation and our authority!," we enthusiastically declare. And we know that we are in good company (the communion of saints) who have long harbored this belief and were radiant lights in their own ages and our own. And then one begins to read, to study, to pray over Scripture and a wondrous experience occurs. One begins to peel away at the text and encounter the living God. There is a Source from which these texts flow. It is invigorating and exciting. And over time you have an experience like I did yesterday. I was reflecting on something I had read the day before by a Christian Jew, troubled that his local priest had said the Jews do not need to convert because they have the covenant already. He was very upset by this and advocated evangelism. I think it is more complex a question than some who quote Paul (here and there) let on. The authority of Scripture runs smack dab into the limitations of the Old Testament. It is not easy to discern which texts are in and which are out, which are relevant and which are tossed in the ash heap of history. There are different approaches to the problem (one is to reduce them to infallible history texts, making the issue of error about facts and not truth), the most popular among the majority of Christians is simply to ignore them. I study them too much to ignore them and know them well enough to understand why some would think the covenant is forever, mainly because it says so, again and again and again and again.... However, in the end, the central place of Jesus is not negotiable for Christians. Church leaders who say "Jesus is our way but not the way" are clearly in error and should resign their positions. In my pondering I remembered that there is no name given for salvation except that of Jesus. So, even if I my thinking is a bit murky on the edges, at center is Jesus and that is the foundation for all that follows.

Several hours later at Morning Prayer, during the first reading from Acts, I heard those very words read in the church. No other name given for salvation but Jesus. No other name, only Jesus. Lately I do not seem emotionally connected. In days gone by, however, that "coincidence" (or God sighting) would have filled me with wonder and energy. My emotional response, or lack there of aside, the confirmation of my reflection was clear. I may be wrong about a lot of things, but I am right about Jesus. Him and Him alone, His Name only for health and salvation. Even for Jews, especially for Jews; and Muslims, Sikhs, Hindus, Agnostics, pagans and all other manner of folk as well.

However, the lack of fervor I felt was troubling. I wondered if something were wrong with me. I wondered if my faith is amiss. And then I went about my day. It was similar to other days this week, filled with counseling. I hear stories, every day, of incredible pain and suffering. Bad marriages, health and financial woes, confusion and questions, some of if generates doubts about God and the unbearable Silence of the Divine. More and more I recall a book I read in seminary by a Japanese Christian. It was set in Japan in a time of severe persecution and recounted the faith struggles of a priest facing torture and death. The title was Silence. It was not the success Gospel preached around Memphis. It was not about the victory of God and the power of  the Spirit sweeping away all adversaries. It was not about a Christian football team getting a game winning field goal aided by a wind from God. It was about a man who would deny the faith to avoid suffering only to return later and ask readmittance and a priest wondering what to do with him. It was about that same suffering priest who struggled, under threat of violence, with the question of why God is silent.

There are answers, of course, sometimes being provided by those uninvolved in the struggle those answers seem cold and distant. If God is at work among us why so much division and confusion about theology? Why so many different and conflicting points of view? Why not a smaller Bible, more focused and clear, setting out in bullet points the main thing? Why not clarity? Why, so often, silence?

My answer. Being a disciple is carrying a cross. [and cross carrying, by the way, is not fun] It is walking in the darkness of faith trusting in the Light ["I believe in the sun, even when it isn't shining" goes the old hymn]. It is walking in darkness, buffeted and challenged, aware that on our own there is so much sin and failure. It is walking in the darkness, hungry for a real love, deeper peace, all encompassing joy--hungry and thirsty and longing and crying out, "Come Lord Jesus!" It is walking in the darkness, watching and waiting, with, at times, the slimmest of hopes because out there, on the horizon, piercing the darkness, we see the first shards of the New Sun/Son Rise. Yes, it is there, not yet, not completely, but soon. And this hope and expectation sustains, by God's grace, until the consummation. It is light in the dark, a whisper in the silence, a hope in the struggle.