I prayed over the texts for Morning Prayer today. The first was the beginning of Acts. Luke's introduction is a nice summary of what and why we believe. One line always gives me pause: "After His suffering He presented Himself alive to them by many convincing proofs, appearing to them during forty days and speaking to them about the Kingdom of God." Herein lies, in pretty naked terms, the reason for our hope.
Ironically, the second reading was from the passion of Matthew (27:45-54). Although there we also hear of resurrection events to come, even as Jesus hangs dying. The Gospel text includes the line, "My God, my God, why have Thou forsaken me?" That jumped out at me because this morning as I walked the dog I found myself pondering abandonment. I know it personally and certainly hear regularly from people who find themselves in all manner of "forsakeness." While there is truth to such bromides as "If God is not near you who moved?" and "God only appears to be gone, He is there" (and I read footprints in the sand years ago and get that He is carrying us when we feel alone) it also seems true that sometimes we feel alone. Terribly alone.
It is a difficult balancing act between the twins pillars of denial. On the one hand, real life hurts are real. Sometimes people talk like they do not matter. There is a sense of 'being in denial' as they spout their pious platitudes. "God is in control, it will all work out!!!!!" On the other hand, there is the worse option of "denial of the Lord." It is tempting to forget He is in control. It is tempting to give up hope.
The juxtaposition of crucified Lord and risen Lord are the two poles of our faith. Life is hard. Sometimes God does seem far away (and classical Christian spirituality indicates that maybe I moved--sin--but perhaps God moved--dark night of the spirit/purification). It is also just a plain fact that this side of the Kingdom Come there is an absence of God. (Remember He doesn't walk with us in the Garden since the forbidden fruit mishap) I think that many people struggle in their faith. I do too much counseling to ignore that. I think God is at work in the times of abandonment. Arguably, the abandonment of Jesus on the cross was a key element of its saving significance. And, as Paul says, we must die a death like His if we want to share in His resurrection. (Most churches do NOT make that the major focus)
I believe the resurrection hope is a future hope. I do not know exactly what it means here and now. At times it seems to be strength, but just as often it is weakness and tears. Christianity does not scoop anyone up and shelter them from the realities of every day life. It never has. Why else would Paul be constantly taking the early churches to the woodshed for one error or another? There was never a Golden Age when people got it right. And the apostles certainly messed up reguarly.
If you are struggling, feeling like God is far away, you are not alone. Many of us live like that. But it doesn't mean we are alone and it doesn't mean God has failed. Now is the time of the cross. Now is the time of struggle, and yes, feelings of abandonment. But it is also a time to peer ahead, into a better future. It is good to keep resurrection in our memory. Suffering and struggle are not wasted and are not in vain. There is a God, lurking and preparing a new Kingdom and a better life.
So hit home to how I am feeling right now. Thanks for these word. I often feel like a sinner if I begin to question my faith like I am the only one who is not absolute in how I feel. Sometimes life is really hard and it is hard to find the hope when you feel like there is none. Thanks again for your post. It helped me a lot.
ReplyDeleteI have a young friend I traveled with to the beach. He was seven. He could hardly contain his desire to be there. His father urged him to be patient, that what he wanted was "just around the corner." Facing this platitude, He struggled, as I have, with a flat response to his urgent need to be there. He huffed, "Everybody always tells me, "Its just around the corner!" "What I want to know is where the corner is?!" Isn't this what we are crying out to God when we are tired of waiting and suffering?
ReplyDeleteI'm convinced God liked his question. There is something in our hearts that tells us there is a corner where we will turn and see our beloved God. Jeremiah 29:13 ["You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."] I don’t believe I know my heart as God does and so I wait for the promise often not understanding why He does not come.
The difficulty I have discovered is obeying in faith to wait. God's timing is perfect and He doesn't waste suffering but puts it to the perfecting of our surrendered souls. I think God seldom reveals His plan but He asks us to wait and believe. Coming up to the corner, you can't see the other side and in my experience that is a good practice for me, so that hopefully I get to a lesser and lesser place of panic and fear. I've waited 21 years for the answer to my abandonment question. Rather than answering that question God gave me His constant presence. Most recently, when I can’t see around the corner, but I trust Who I know Him to be, His faithful response to my obedience, is to soothe my heart and Be There. All glory to the Ever Present God!
Susan, thanks for that. Very true and beautifully expressed.
ReplyDeleteTwo of the major themes of the NT are "watching" and "waiting." There you have a passive element (God is the one doing) but paradoxically watching and waiting are activities which demand discipline, and they are a struggle!
I am honored that you took time to read and respond.
I remember when we learned that Rachel had Down syndrome, a wise friend of mine told me that it was okay to not want to do this. Even Jesus said "if you are willing take this cup from me." She said it doesn't lessen your faith. At the end of the day it is not my will but thine and if I spend too much time thinking about the why instead of trusting in the Him - well, Satan will get me every time. Thanks for an appropriately beautiful blog on this day.
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