Challenge of Helping the Undeserving

Today, as on so many days past, someone arrived in need of help. What is one to do? Most of the folks who show up at our door are probably on the take at some level or other. Many are no doubt up against it and in a tight spot. Few of them have resources (time, talent, treasure or relationships) and most have ridden a series of bad choices, bad luck and bad consequences to a point where things always hang precariously in the balance. The decision to help is complicated and the time needed to do thorough checks is a commodity in even shorter supply than the cash to help. So I pray and hope and try to "smell" the truth when I cannot clearly see or hear it. I figure it is better to be tricked than it is to send away someone in real need. Yet, some folks clearly aren't deserving. Good stewardship requires that we do not throw money away, if for no other reason than an innocent in true need may be deprived later down the line. It always weighs on the heart and mind.

I was pondering this the other day when someone shared his life situation. "Father," he began, "I am burdened with the responsibility of providing round the clock care to someone whom I think does not deserve what he gets..."

"Each morning, at the crack of dawn, I must rouse him from the bed. Then I run to the kitchen and make him breakfast. I feed him then clean up the dishes. Next I have to bathe him. Each and every day. I also shave, brush his teeth and otherwise deal with his hygiene needs. After all this I take him to the car and do whatever tasks are needed. Work is a means to get the finances to see to his wants, needs and wishes. At night we replay the same scenario with meals, cleaning and taking care of his bodily needs. It is my job to wipe up all his messes and some wiping is less pleasant than others. At night I tuck him into bed and then I collapse into a deep, exhausted sleep, my last thoughts being that tomorrow is more of the same...."

What he says next is more to the point. "He is not a bad man, he is just not terribly greatful. He seems to think that when things go his way that is how it is supposed to be. He rarely thinks about how genuinely blessed he is and how terribly fortunate. He grouses about minor details and is not above whining. He is more likely to point out what he doesn't like than to say thanks for what he does. Many of his health problems are a direct result of his own choices. Most of his relational difficulties are as well. In fact, you can directly tie over half of the things  he complains about to choices he has made. While reluctant to take responsibility, he is adept at placing blame. He is especially talented at projecting his faults onto others. So each day, as I do the myriad tasks to make his more pleasant and enjoyable, I am keenly aware of how undeserving he really is."

After a moment of silence I asked, "Who is it you care for? Your father? A sibling? family friend?" I could not help but wonder at what would motivate such devotion to someone who was also seen as unworthy. He paused briefly, looked me in the eye, smiled and said one word, "Me." "What?" I stammered, confused for a moment. "Me. It's me. I am taking care of myself all day and truth be told I am rarely worthy of all I receive." A moment of clarity, (sort of like Nathan saying to David, "you are the man!") followed by laughter.

At the heart of the Christian faith, if not dead center level 1 no more than level 2, is the teaching that those who have received great blessings and forgiveness must in turn pour out great blessings and forgiveness. There is an organic unity between grace and graciousness, being blessed and being a blessing. My little illustration is a parable, a made up conversation based on a real conversation at our prayer group Saturday. It is, I hope, a window into the truth. Who is worthy? The Lamb that was slain, He and He alone is worthy. You and I? Not so much. It is all a gift (even if we have worked ourselves hard to achieve some things). It is all a gift. We need to challenge others to be better, but the challenge is best articulated by our actions and our own integrity. We are all messed up. We are all undeserving. We are all the blessed recipeints of grace upon grace. Keep that in mind, especially next time someone asks for help.