Right on Schedule

I returned to work today after two weeks of paternity leave. My life at work is more busy and demanding, and it is also more structured than life at home. Home is much more freefloating. There is plenty going on (especially with a newborn) but things happen more chaotically. I seem to be "right" when I am on a schedule. I still want to relax with time off, but I am one of those people who seems best suited to a regular schedule. I remember as a child of ten or so telling my mom that I did not like weekends. Weekends seemed unwieldy and I felt out of control, even as a kid. It was harder to get things done, even though there was more time. I enjoy a chance to play and have fun. I just find that I do better with a schedule.

Now my question is, was I born this way or did I choose to become this way? While I have no doubt some choice was involved, it seems much of it is just the way I am.  While I do believe in freedom and choice, I also can see that it is very much limited by natural inclinations. We respond to the world from a soul which seems to be given to us in many ways. It is a mysterious reality. I am not my own creation. I am shaped and formed by Another (GOD), constantly reshaped in life by many others, and given to myself (with a great deal already hard wired in place). The creative hand of God, working through genetics, social environment and various physcial and spiritual entities, has made me. Yet, as we all know, we can make choices which affect who we become. So, we are not puppets and we are responsbile for the choices we make.

Like most people there is a great deal about myself that I do not like. Other people are also kind enough to  help point out my flaws. So the list is always growing. Some things about me could change with a bit more effort. Most things are not so maleable. I often say that I came up with a list of New Year's Resolutions in 1979 which was so good that I have used it every year since. Same issues, same problems, same me. [and I bet same you.]

I do not often think about being a 'creature'. When I started this today my intention was to right about my  need for schedule. It took a turn. In editing I discover that I have hit on what I plan to write a homily for this weekend. We are the image of God. We are created.

"Creatures." Not self contained. Not self determined. No, we are a constructed being. It means that we are not in charge. We do not have ultimate control. We are controlled by forces within and without beyond our power.  It might also mean we need to be a bit more patient with others, or at least more compassionate.
I used to think that now that I was a Christian the Holy Spirit was going to make me a new creation and reform me. I used to think I was going to become a saint and stop sinning. I have no reason to think such a thing will happen any more. My horizon for hope is on the other side, in the New Creation. I understand that God is already at work on me (and you) but I also know that this work remains incomplete. I will probably continue to need a schedule even as others around me chafe under the burden of one. I will continue to talk too much, make jokes, and hunger for quiet time. I will probably think "too much" and worry "too much" until my brain finally shuts down. It would be a cause for despair if I did not have hope that some day Jesus is coming.

In the meantime, the blessing is, there are times and places which are a forestaste of the glory to come. There are moments when I am okay. There are situations where I fit in, people with whom I connect. There is a God and He intends all this for our benefit. I am not in charge and that is okay. I am also not responsible for making everything work out. I can trust (FAITH) God for that. Saved by faith....