Wrestling with Not Judging

This week we have been reading from the Gospel of Matthew at Morning Prayer. The sections are found in the Sermon on the Mount. The words of Jesus are both comforting and frightening. One really jumped out at me in my prayer and meditation.

"Do not judge and you will not be judged," Jesus said. And it is something which He repeats. In the Lord's prayer we ask God to forgive us as we forgive others. Jesus tells parables about a man forgiven an unpayable debt who fails to show mercy to someone who owes him a far smaller amount. He warns us that unless we forgive, we place our souls at risk. God deals with us, He says, in the same manner that we deal with others.

Then Jesus asks, "why do you see the speck in your brother's eye and not see the log in your own?" That is a great question. Every day I see it lived out. We are good at pointing out what "they" are doing and better at portraying ourselves in the best light. For example, I briefly heard part of an NBA player inverview concerning the lock out. In the snippet, he was saying that the players desperately want to play but they have to stick to their principles, and the owners refuse to listen. Because I am not a big fan I really do not care. I do know that based on the amounts of money everyone is making in that game, greed, not principles, is the primary motivation. O my, I just judged, didn't I? I intended to give some illustrations of people being unable to hear the other side and I ended up making a snarky comment about rich ball players.

Well, the good news is that judgment can be the beginning of a moment of grace. I can now look inward and ask, "how am I motivated by greed?" "When am I in disagreement/discussions with another and I assume they are wrong and I am right?" "When do I 'dialogue' in a way that is closed and not listening?"

Jesus' point is not that we can never confront another. His point is look at yourself first. As He basically says, Take the log out of your own eye, then, once you can see clearly, you can worry about improving your brother.

However, the willingness to do this will be difficult. Being self critical will alienate friends. trying to understand the other side will be manipulated by foes. It makes winning an argument less likely (although can you ever win an argument?). It is, however, what Jesus wants.

I believe we must be our own harshest critics. We must hold ourselves to the highest standards. Once we do that, it becomes more difficult to condem and demonize those with whom we disagree. For example, I have a long life full of moral errors. I have, many times, made a decision to do something which I knew the Lord demanded that I not do. I have a half a century of sin and an equal amount of remorse. As I carry that remembrance of my own infidelity and weakness, I can encounter those who are engaged in sin (or the promotion of sin) with some sympathy. There are many times when I have convinced myself that something wrong was not wrong. There are many other times when I did not have the strength to fight temptation, even hating myself for doing the things I was doing (appetites and impulse control figure heavily here). All error is a sin of will, but it is still true that people can be confused and misled. Lord knows I have been.

I have more compassion for those with whom I am engaged in endless disagreement. It is probably why I am able to stay put in this church (TEC) which seems so intent to embrace the way of error. I know it is often depressing and painful, but maybe the conflict is a way to grow. Maybe I am so adept at seeing their logs and specks because of my sin. Maybe looking at their obvious errors will help me to look at myself and find equally obvious errors in me. Perhaps God is perfecting me through this process. Perhaps He is also drawing them to some soul searching. Maybe they need an authentic Christian witness and maybe God is making me authentically Christian through this unpleasant and difficult time. (I hope He hurries up!)

I am not optimistic, but I am hopeful. There is danger being active in a church which has gone so wrong in so many ways. I understand the impulse which has pushed so many to disengage and move on. Staying is certainly not the way for everyone, but it does seem to be the path the Lord has set me on. How about you?