Another weekend of baseball. I suffered with my son as his error allowed the lead off runner to reach third base. A moment later another hit sealed their fate as they lost 2-1 in extra innings against the best team in West Tennessee.
He was very upset. He told me, "I feel like I let my team down." "I know, " I kept repeating, "I know it hurts." As we drove on in the night I mentioned to him that it was too bad that he had gotten the big hit which tied the score earlier in the game. "If you had not knocked in that run, you would not have been in the position to make the error." I think as he pondered that he felt better. Ironically, he had hit the ball to the wall in his last at bat. He was about ten feet from the game winning home run. So close, and yet so far. I imagined him running the bases and the wild celebration which could have been.
Isn't that life? Moment to moment we slide between hero and goat. An inch here or an inch there and we are the champions, or the runner up. It is an important lesson to learn. You cannot ever think that this moment is set in stone. There is always the next pitch, the next at bat...
I sometimes worry about the time we spend with competitive baseball. It can be five games, and it can eat up an entire weekend. If one ponders the purpose of life it is hard to see how that much time for baseball is a good idea. Yet, I have a memory from my own youth which makes me see value. Mr. Pete Bosert was our coach. I have only good memories of him. Another man helped the team, one of the dads. He was a huge man, but I do not remember his name. One game, it was hot, and they were preparing me to go bat with the game on the line. In the dugout the big man was talking to me. I do not remember what he said, probably something about staying calm. What I do remember is the wet towel he had put on my head and the way he was holding my head in his big hands as he calmly talked to me. It was comforting. It was one of the few settings where a man could appropriately be touching a young boy. It made an impact because I remember it to this day.
Men and boys do not often engage in affection. Our culture sexualizes so much, and Lord knows that the sexual freedom movement has only made it more confusing. Even so, there are times when I think it would be helpful to make more connections. I make an effort to joke with the boys on my sons team. I also try to say a word of comfort or encouragement. Every game someone is upset with a tough loss or a poor performance. Three weeks ago I took aside one fellow who has had an especially tough season. I talked to him about relaxing and enjoying the game. I talked to him about the pressures he felt. Typical of boys this age, he nodded alot and said 'yes sir' several times. Afterwards I wondered if what I said made any difference. This weekend he came out of his funk. Had several hits. He made a great catch. After the game he said, "Did you see that catch, Mr. Jeff? That was for you."
At that moment the long weekend was all worth it.
I think boys need relationships with men. For many of us, ball fields are the place where that is possible. I understand all the reasons for personal space and I recognize the need to respect distance. But I also think it is important for boys to bond with men. It is important for us to build them up and give them hope. There are many times and places to do that, but in my experience few better than a ball park.
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