Passive/Active Prayer

I had some thoughts this morning as I knelt in prayer. One thing I have probably not emphasized enough is the importance of being open. If prayer is really about union with God, then our primary activity should be openness to God. This is, first of all, intentionality. By that I mean, we must actively be aware that our goal is to be open to God, to seek God, to long for God.

Because we are self-centered it is hard for us to ever move the focus anywhere else. Over the years I am aware of how often questions about my prayer life became discussion about Me. It is hard to avoid when we say "my" prayer life. The "spiritual life" can become discipline intensive, technique driven and viewed as a skill set. We worry about praying good. We are consumed with structuring. We pour effort into being in control and achieving outcomes (and become frustrated when we don't).

It is hard to not wonder if we are being silent enough, or if the breathing is right, or if we should sit or kneel. It is also hard not to wonder if we are doing it right (especially when we 'feel' nothing). Perfomrance anxiety rises. Magical thinking enters in. We worry and fret because we forget. It is all about God. He is our desire. We are there to avail ourselves to Him.

There was a poopular expression some years ago, "communing with nature," which points in the direction I want to go with this. To pray (talk, meditate or contemplate) is always attentive. There must be a listening heart, even when it seems there is nothing to hear. I believe that dry times of prayer are still fruitful. Just as a dog hears sounds our ears cannot perceive, perhaps the spirit picks up what our conscious mind can not. I have probably said it a couple times writing this series: God is mightily at work through us even if we cannot feel it. Prayer commitment is the fertile field of that work.

In an hour we will have eucharist here at St. Andrews. It is truly the breakfast which sustains. Prior to that, I will read the Bible and think about God and Moses (I am in Exodus). I will pray over verses responding to God's word. I will, perhaps too obsessively, intercede for my family & church. I will sit in silence and wait to hear (and admittedly will  be surprised if I do). I will pray about the joy of my work and struggle with frustration and discouragement. I will push back against the weariness of sleep deprivation and the assorted worries and concerns. In other words, I will be, in most ways, just like everyone reading this! We push hard and try to do it right. That is probably the way it is supposed to be. What we must all keep in mind is the goal: God. He is the source and destination. Being available to Him is already the success. No words, no experience, no feelings or thoughts matter as much as one human being offering him/herself to the Lord. Perhaps no prayer is more complete than the one uttered by Biblical figures: "Here I am Lord" (send me, I come to do your will, be it done unto me according to your will....). That is why we pray. It is why we spend hours 'being there' even if it feels like nothing is happening. We do it because it is an act of faith. And faith saves!