I am regularly "challenged" by parishioners because I am not as upbeat as they would prefer. It is something which weighs on my mind and heart. As a young man I was known for my sense of humor. I was voted the funniest boy in my graduating class. And for my whole life I have been blessed with the ability to quickly make humorous connections and bring people to fits of laughter. But there is that other side. Dark moods fall suddenly upon me, sometimes for no discernable reason. It is not the debilitating depression we hear about from the clinically oppressed, but it is a sadness and worry which impacts heart and visage. And it manifests in my teaching and preaching.
What is one to do?
Sunday, while preaching on the Great Commandments to love, I shared that "loving God more than anything and loving others as much as myself" is terrifying. I am not adept at either and it seems that failure to truly love could be fatal in the eyes of Jesus. Now, in my discussions I have come to see that there are two kinds of people. Those who think God is merciful so they do not fret about failures and those who think God is serious about His demands (and have a corresponding concern about the future judgment). Inspite of my best efforts, I fall in the latter category.
With this in mind, I prayed MP yesterday and read the Gospel in Luke 13. It starts out with Jesus commenting on "the evening news" for His local area. A group of people were crushed by a falling tower and another group was massacred at the Temple. In both cases Jesus makes two things clear. First of all, the tragedies did NOT mean that these people were worse than others. Jesus is clear, there is not a direct correlation between evil and personal tragedy. God does not visit doom on people that way. But He also says, "repent or something worse will happen to you." So there is an ultimate connection. And that ultimate connection has eternal significance. And that makes me afraid.
Then He tells a tale about a fig tree. It has not given fruit so the Master says, "Chop it down." This is a judgment. No fruit equals no need for you to be around. The steps from connecting the fig tree to Israel are short. This is transparent imagery. And another step brings us to the church. No fruit means chop it down. No fruit means it is useless. There is, however, a word of hope. An unnamed vinedresser (Jesus?) makes a request. Give me one more year to "throw dung." The Greek word kopria only occurs twice, here and Luke 14. It is not a commonly used word. And the idea of dung as grace bedazzled me in 1982 when I prepared and preached my first homily in seminary. To paraphrase "the poo-poo in our lives may be the merciful hand of God's grace trying to produce some life and fruitfulness out of our otherwise death-sentenced fig trees."
Can grace appear as dung? Are those bemoaning the recent elections ready to open their eyes and see God at work among us? Are those sitting in pews ready to hear God's demands and judgments? Are those who skip church prepared for the same? Are those who laugh and joke (woe to you, says Luke's Jesus) ready to weep and mourn (for lack of fruit)? And are those oppressed by worry, sadness and fear (Blessed are you, says Luke's Jesus) prepared to embrace hope and joy?
I worry that the church's lack of fruit demands God's condemnation. I fret about the salvation of those entrusted to my care. I worry that our nation's misplaced values (sorry, I think both sides) invite God's doom. I worry that I am lost in a haze of confusing and contradictory truth claims. And I worry that I worry....
But I know this, there is hope for "one more year." God's hunger and desire is that the sinner turn and live. And life in Christ produces fruits. So ponder that: your choices and your actions. Ponder how your faith is creating God's works. And embrace the "dung" of life because it may be Jesus at work trying to save you!
I hesitate to post anything here, on the occasion of first looking at this blog in more than a year, for fear of seeming to be critical of the estimable folks in your parish, who are certainly among the kindest and most thoughtful group I ever met, but I am astonished at the reaction you describe.
ReplyDeleteIf I understand you correctly, in the face of the burden that any sensitive person must feel upon believing that he was in the presence, not only of the Omnipotent Creator, but of a Being perfect in righteousness, you are saying you are criticized for being insufficiently *good-humored*? What in God's name can people possibly be thinking?
What else *could* one possibly expect but to see the reaction that you describe yourself as habitually displaying? It was perfectly evident to me from the moment I saw the very deep bow you made toward the altar last Sunday as you prepared to read the Gospel: "There is a man who believes he really is in the presence of God and is nearly undone by the knowledge of it."
This can hardly come as a surprise. I have to wonder if any of your critics have read these lines from Sylvia Plath:
"Once one has seen God, what is the remedy?
Once one has been seized up
"Without a part left over,
Not a toe, not a finger, and used,
Used utterly...
What is the remedy?"
It was certainly no surprise to Jonathan Edwards who, in his narrative of the conversion of Phebe Bartlet, describes the young girl as going from room to room in her house weeping over the spiritual plight of family members.
Nor is is foreign to Jeremiah 20:9: "But his word was in mine heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I was weary with forbearing, and I could not stay."
I can only hope I have misunderstood what you are being criticized for on this point. If not, I can only conclude that your critics, like many others, have been too influenced by the general idea that seems to have taken over American culture since World War I that the chief social task is to be upbeat and good-humored. But that has nothing to do with what you are engaged in.
Fortunately for the sake of everyone's sanity, there is no God and the very idea is a sheer illusion. But if there were, and if he were what you believe he is, not only would you be right to feel as you do, it would be strange if you did not and ought to raise questions as to whether you were taking your vocation and the One who had called you to it as seriously as you ought to.
Welcome back, Michael. Seeing you was a wonderful surprise. I hope you return again soon.
ReplyDeleteI want to be fair, not everyone complains and many people embrace the "challenges" which issue forth from my unworthy mouth.... There is, no doubt, a being-shaped-by-the-culture at work in all of us (how could there not be?) and there is a hunger for the frivolity of entertainment. But I think some people are world-weary and hungry for a pleasant word. I do know Jesus said "Come to me you weary and I will give you rest..." Sometimes I make people more weary. A fair criticism.
And, joy of joys, fortunately there IS a God and He provides us with comfort and peace and meaning and hope. And if at times His invisible presence is inefficiently and ineffectively mediated by hapless servants so much the better: to hope inspite of despair and to believe inspite of doubt. My prayer is you taste and see soon...