Wedding

Yesterday my brother-in-law got married. It was quite the family affair. My wife (his sister) was a maid of honor as was my daughter. On the other side my son was a groomsman. I was the officiant so for the first time all four of us were on the altar together. [Baby, in his tux, sat in the back of the church.]

After the service the photographer told me that it was really nice to be at a wedding with a religious context and a message. He then said that he does alot of weddings and (like I had said) most of them have no trappings of faith.

The wedding homily I delivered, on their choice of readings, 1 Corinthians 13, did focus on the current state of marriage. There are two components, a reluctance to make a commitment and rejection of institutions, which seem to go hand in hand. When a couple comes to a church to marry they are doing something different from many of their peers.

The act of marrying changes things. As I told the couple, "you  have each added new parents." I turned to her and said, "I am now your brother and you have another brother and sister, and you are an aunt." (My daughter began to cry at that moment, for joy) Her friends and his friends are now in new relationships. The chosing of a spouse makes that happen.

However, God is also invited into a church wedding. Suddenly the covenant is a sacred covenant before (and with) God. Marriage is a sacrament, a sign of the invisible God. Most amrried couples do not do a bang up job in their vocation. That is okay. There is something to be said for trying. It is important that we understand our lives together in the light of that sacred vocation to mirror the love of Christ and His church.

The 'hymn to love' from 1 Corinthians 13 is not about marriage. In the previous chapter Paul takes the small church to the woodshed because their eucharist is a time of conflict. The Apostle is quite firm with them. He then talks about the church is a body. This concept, so hard for individualist Americans to grasp, is central to his ecclesiology (theology of church). We are all different yet we make up the body. Some parts are more important, some are more needy, some require greater care and protection, but all together make one whole. Paul then talks about the different gifts in the church. Each of us has our own set of gifts. Yet, he continues in 13, whatever the gifts and however amazing, if they are not based in love they mean nothing. Our gifts can cause us to be arrogant or depressed. We may overstate our importance or understate it. Paul says focus not on yourself and your gifts, but use your gifts in (love) service of others.

He then reminds us that today is but a dim view of reality. He uses the term mirror, but of course our modern mirrors do not distort so the analogy limps. I understand that ancient mirrrors were not so true, more like a shiny peice of metal. You and I do not see the world as it is. Someday we shall. Concluding with that, our eyes are not set on the horizon, the glimpse at "coming attractions." Some day we shall see God. See Him, love and be loved by Him. Someday Jesus will be manifest, totally. Until then, spouse, family, friend, and parishioners are what we have. In us and through us His love is manifest. The mundane is the holy. We need eyes to see.

Back in Saddle Again

I return to my office today after being off for the last week. In truth it seems like a much longer time. Most of the stretch between Christmas and New Year was spent with the baby. We were all dealing with the seasonal virus and were the worse for wear. Nights were shattered on several occassions by the constant ups and downs associated with "checking on the baby" when he cried. Sick or not, he is still remarkably pleasant.

I found myself thinking about the bonding process. There is much to be said for "quality" time and in our busy lives sometimes that is the best we can hope for. But there is value to quantity. Actually spending lots of hours together, day and night, has a way of tying people together. I found myself telling him, "I will miss you buddy" as I prepared to return to work.

The contrast on New Year's Eve was apparent to me. My own siblings and their children and grandchildren gathered for lunch on Saturday. It is something we do with irregularity. Once my mom and dad died, the family gatherings associated with them died as well. My folks have been dead 17 and 12 years respectively, so that means for well over a decade we do not see much of each other. It is compounded by my vocation. Priests tend to be busy when other people are off. My niece and nephew live together, which I think is wonderful. Extended family is a great gift. My own kids are somehow deprived of that as they are a decade behind everyone else and cousinless on my wife's side. We love each other very much, but I have not been privy to the daily lives of any of them for a long time.

The New Testament is rather ambivalent about family. Jesus says things about loving Him more than family, or renouncing family. Jesus' family is portrayed somewhat negatively by Mark (they think He is crazy). Flesh and blood relationships take a back seat to the 'church' family (of disciples). From what I understand, family connections in Jesus' day were even more intense than in our own. So it is hard to know the actual context of His sayings (and without context literal meaning is lost!).

I am watching two of mine hastening toward adulthood. We are talking about college choices and they spend much of their time with friends. Such passages are natural, customary, most welcome and painful! It is odd to be pouring so much energy into a seven month old while at the same time letting go of the other two. Yet that is the natural flow of things. The good news, I hear, is that they come back after college. I look forward to that.

Being connected to these people whom I call family has been a great gift. I am now back to my other family, the church. All family in its many forms (biological or not)  is a sacrament of Trinity, community, love. All of it bears the finger prints of the Creator. I am trying to focus my "eyes" to see God more and more. And to be thankful for all of them.